The Chistmas Caroler
by Wasabikitty10
Summary: Bartimaeus has been summoned to do something unusual... CHRISTMAS CAROLING! NOOOO! My first fanfic, so don't expect too much.
1. Puppy Eyes

This is my first fanfiction ever, so please don't be too rough on poor little me. Thanks!!!

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The Christmas Caroler

By Wasabikitty10

"So can you do it?" Kitty smiled in a rather frightening way.

"No." I did not smile. I, the great Bartimaeus, Sakhr Al Djinni, who spoke with Solomon and fought in a thousand battles(All of them won largely due to my expertise), was being asked to Christmas Carol. Christmas carol, I tell you!

"Of course you can, Barty!" Kitty was smiling in that creepy way of hers again. "You just have to sing!"

"Why would I want to sing? And don't call me Barty, only crazy fangirls do that!"

Kitty didn't answer, she just kept smiling. It was really starting to scare me.

"You know, djinni don't even celebrate Christmas, Kitty."

"Oh be quiet. You know that you deserve it. Besides, I'll get you a present if you do it." Okay, this is too much. Now she's _bribing_ me!

"The only present _I_ want is to go home."

"Pleeeeeeese?" Whoa. Kitty does good puppy dog eyes. They were hard to resist. But no! The great Bartimaeus will never give in!!!!!

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese?" Oh, the puppy eyes! They burn! But no. I STILL won't give in.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese?" I was barely retaining my ability to stay awake here. Maybe I should give in, just this once...

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese?" Kitty began to cry around here.

I can't resist! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Okay Kitty, I'll do it if you really want me to..."

"YAY BARTY THAT'S GREAT I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!" Kitty was now freakishly happy, dancing around the room.

I should have known it was an act.

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Chapter two will be up soon! Please review and tell me what you think!!! 


	2. I hate fanfiction!

Chapter two of the Christmas caroler!!!!

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"SO, now that you have agreed, let me tell you what you need to do! The party you are singing at is in three days." Kitty beamed at me, happy again.

"Wait a minute. It's Christmas today, isn't it? How can you have a Christmas party AFTER Christmas???"

"Ask the author. She's the one writing this fanfic."

"Oh, this is fanfiction. That explains a lot." I really hate fanfiction right now.

**"THAT WAS NOT IN THE SCRIPT! GET BACK ON TRACK!!!!"**

After staring for a few minutes at our author, we got back on track.

"What were you saying Kitty?"

"At the party, I need a singer. Jane Farrar was gonna do it, but she has a cold and can't sing a note."

"And I can?" (By the way, the answer to this question is most. Definetely. NO!!!)

"Better than any of the other candidates."

"Yeah right." Nobody sings worse than me.

"One of them was Ascobol." Yeah, I sing better than Ascobol at least-- wait a minute.

"Ascobol got eaten, didn't he?! How can an eaten person sing?"

"The author forgot." Dang, this author forgets a lot.

"So, what am I 'singing' for you?"

"Oh, anything Holiday themed is fine." I hate holiday music. But wait a second... she said ANYTHING holiday themed! Oh, the possibilities!!!!

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What will happen next? What is Bartimaeus planning? Read on to find out! 


	3. Oh dear

Gaaaaaahh, I had to get a back examination today! (In case I had scaly- something.) I am scarred for life. Anyway, here's:

Chappie three! Warning: Nausea may ensure!

As Kitty and I walked into the fancy ballroom, she was definetely smirking. I hate her soooooo much.

"Kitty, my stomach, ohh I can't sing like this-"

"Faker. I know that trick." Darn, I thought maybe I had a chance with that one...

"Hello guests! Here is your live entertainment!" I had, under pressure, put un a suit and tie. I do say though, my Ptolemy form looked rather dashing in them...

"That was your cue to start singing!" Kitty sure doesn't know how to whisper quietky. Ok then. time to start.

"Dashing through the snow, on a pair of broken skis.

Riding over hills, crashing into trees!

The snow is turning red, I think I broke my head,

I WOKE UP IN THE HOSPITAL AND I WAS ALMOST DEAD!!"

You should have seen Kitty's face. While she was so shocked, I decided to maximize the fun by turning into something to illustrate the song.

"Oh my Lord! He- He- HE'S BLEEDING!!!!!" That was some ugly old former magician. I was happy to scare her even more.

"Bart- AAAAUGH!!!!! Your whole head has no skin on it!"

"Oh, it doesn't? Ooops. I meant to leave a few shreds hanging."

General pandemonium occoured after that. It was rather amusing. Kitty shouldn't have decided to serve the food during my performance.

Even after everyone calmed down, the party was over. The next activity was going to be sledding and skiing. Needless to say, No one wanted to do THAT

I was ushered outside by Kitty, and found that although she was not a magician, she could inflict one heck of a stipples. Oh well. It was worth it.

"I HATE YOU BARTIMAEUS! YOU WRECKED MY PARTY!" Even after 5000 years of life, I STILL don't know what to say to an angry female.

"Ummmm, I'm, um, sorry?" Not my smoothest apology there... I guess it's better than nothing.

"YOU DON'T MEAN IT HYPOCRITE!!!!!!!!" Scatch that. It was worse than nothing.

How can I make Kitty feel better? I really did go overboard on the blood...

Hey. I had an idea! I almost never- I mean ALWAYS have great ideas like this.

"Hey, author? Do you hear me? I need your help."

"OF COURSE I HEAR YOU NITWIT!"

"Could you do me a favor?"

Read on to find out what the favor is! Within Temptation (Dutch/goth band) RULES!!!!!!!!


	4. Endy Piece

Chapter Four! Sorry it's so cheesy!

"WHAT IS TEH FAVOR, MORTAL?"

"I am not a mortal!" I am not! Augh, fanfiction authors think they are so cool. Well, let me tell you: they're not.

"OH JUST TELL ME THE STUPID FAVOR!!!!!!

I told her.

"WHAT! THAT IS VERY EASY! OF COURSE I WILL DO THAT!!!!!"

Ten minutes later:

"Kitty, I brought someone for you!" I try to look irresistable.

She ignored me.

"NATTY-POO!!!!"

Oh brother.

"I forgive you for being so dumb, Barty! You brought me my Natty- poo!!!!!"

Oh well. She's happy. I try to convince myself that's what counts.

"You are so nice I am gonna dismiss you!"

Oh well, I know it was too mu- HEY! I'm getting dismissed! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can leave this atroucious piece of writing knowing that I saved the day! Wait a minute. Does it count if you save the day from yourself? Well, there's something to think about in the other place!

THE ENDE


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